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I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an American, a Kiwi and a Australian Woman, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.The American woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.The Kiwi woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.The Australian woman came to him and said, “Have you ever been fucked?”The man broke into a big smile and said, “No.”She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.”A nurse walks into a room and. .. then she wondered if he knew everything? She guessed he didn't or he wouldn't be here, someone else would be. She took off her blouse and reached behind her and unsnapped her bra and let it slide off her shoulders and laid it on the chair with her blouse. She was a little embarrassed at being seen like this, half dressed, half naked and it reminded her of a book she had recently read about a sluttish housewife then when she thought about what she had been doing with Denny she realized that she would probably be considered a slut by anyone's standards. She sighed again and walked out to the bar and took out a bottle of Chardonnay and brought it back to the kitchen and held it out to him. "Is this the bottle you were asking for?"He looked at the wine and nodded his approval then tweaked her nipple. "Yep that's just fine."She set the bottle down on the table and moved over to the counter top and made tuna fish sandwiches and as they sat side-by-side at the table he idly put his hand.
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